Grief Stricken - We waited a lifetime for each other and only had 5 short years together...

A. My heart breaks for the loss of your beloved husband—it is no wonder that your grief still overwhelms you. To have waited so long to find him and then to lose your love so soon is almost unthinkable. I encourage you to be patient with yourself and with your healing process.

Your natal 7th house cusp (marriage) is straddled by natal Neptune (transcendent connection) and the Moon's South Node (karmic ties), indicating the potency of the connection to your darling husband and leading me to believe that this connection will endure even though he is no longer in your day-to-day life. Natal Neptune also trines your 3rd house Balsamic Moon/Sun conjunction in Gemini (communication) revealing your natural inclination to spiritual insights and orientation. This is amplified by Natal 12th house Jupiter in Pisces (beneficial connections to and protection from other realms) trining natal 3rd house Uranus (inspired ideas) close to the IC (your deepest sense of security). All of this speaks to guidance from beyond—not to keep you living in the past, but to help propel you to a new and a brighter future over time.

During 2004, the year of your husband's death, you experienced powerful planetary contacts, which are still not over. Neptune (loss) was within orb of a last quarter square to natal Venus (one's beloved and the ruler of your 7th house of marriage) as it opposed natal 5th house Pluto (intense transformation—often loss of love). Meanwhile, transiting Pluto (profound and often painful change that is not within our control) opposed natal Sun (often representing the man in a woman's life). These potent planetary contacts offer the potential for enormous metamorphosis—too often propelled by loss. During the same period, your progressed Sun conjoins natal Pluto as it squares natal Venus and progressed Mercury conjoins natal Saturn—amplifying your experience of the transits. In terms of spiritual growth, all of these planetary contacts offer the possibility of self-development beyond whatever we believe is possible.

As you move through deep sadness, toward a time of healing, these same transits offer the possibility of first noticing and then naming how your values have shifted (Neptune square Venus) and you'll observe that new interests and goals begin to reveal themselves, albeit slowly (Pluto opposition Sun), as outmoded constructs of what your life could have been are left behind (transiting Uranus opposition natal Saturn)—replaced with a vision of a new future imbued with at least a glimmer of hope (transiting Neptune trine natal Moon). I encourage you to nurture this glimmer in every way possible.¹

Early this year you entered the final eighth of the 30 year Progressed Lunation Cycle (Balsamic phase). This marks the beginning of a 3.5 year period leading up to the next progressed New Moon—the new beginning you are, no doubt, longing for. Dane Rudhyar, the innovative astrological thinker who first identified this significant cycle, described the Balsamic Phase as the most holy time in the cycle—a time when the essence of the meaning of the current cycle makes itself known, becoming the seed for the next. It's a period when we're naturally introspective, coming to terms with the past in order to create a new future.

Thankfully, this does not mean that you are destined to experience life as it has been for the past several years, for the entire period leading up to your Progressed New Moon.² You may have already felt a shift this past spring and summer, as your progressed Moon conjoined natal Uranus and then moved into your 4th house, bringing a feeling of impatience, and a sense that the time to make some changes has arrived, even though your grief is still so profound.³

I wonder how the legacy of love that you shared with your husband will evolve as you move through the period of mourning into the time of rebirth. How will you honor his life and your love? How will you eventually recreate your life, seeded with new meaning as you leave this time of darkness? Ask yourself, “Over time, what might renew me?”

Needless to say, the process of moving through grief towards healing and recreating your life, is both challenging and character building. I understand that it is beyond your imagination to think of a future without your Love, and yet your courage to reach out with this question shows that you are already on that path as you come to terms with your loss. I encourage you to reach out to others who care for you, and participate in life as much as possible.

With the help of supportive Saturn transits already currently in play, and others which will develop next year, accompanied by the diminishing of the powerful Neptune and Pluto influences described above, you will begin to rebuild your life —slowly, and one step at a time. By next Spring, as you reach a minor milestone in the 30 year Progressed Lunation Cycle (the waning semi-sextile), you may experience the dawning of what is possible for you—and that dawn will shine more brightly with the passing of time.⁴