Q. I lost
my beloved Scorpio on September 14, 2004. He
was a wonderful man and we loved each other
very much. It seemed we waited a lifetime for
each other and only had a short time together
(5 years). I miss him so, I haven't changed
much in my life since he left and I don't know
how I can go on without him, though I know
I have to and he would want me to. Do you have
any advice on how I can move on?
— Grief Stricken
A. My
heart breaks for the loss of your beloved
husband—it is no wonder that your grief still
overwhelms you. To have waited so long to
find him and then to lose your love so soon
is almost unthinkable. I encourage you to
be patient with yourself and with your healing
process.
Your natal 7th house cusp (marriage) is
straddled by natal Neptune (transcendent
connection) and the Moon's South Node (karmic
ties), indicating the potency of the connection
to your darling husband and leading me to
believe that this connection will endure
even though he is no longer in your day-to-day
life. Natal Neptune also trines your 3rd
house Balsamic Moon/Sun conjunction in Gemini
(communication) revealing your natural inclination
to spiritual insights and orientation. This
is amplified by Natal 12th house Jupiter
in Pisces (beneficial connections to and
protection from other realms) trining natal
3rd house Uranus (inspired ideas) close to
the IC (your deepest sense of security).
All of this speaks to guidance from beyond—not
to keep you living in the past, but to help
propel you to a new and a brighter future
over time.
During 2004,
the year of your husband's death, you experienced
powerful planetary contacts, which are still
not over. Neptune (loss) was within orb of
a last quarter square to natal Venus (one's
beloved and the ruler of your 7th house of
marriage) as it opposed natal 5th house Pluto
(intense transformation—often loss of love).
Meanwhile, transiting Pluto (profound and
often painful change that is not within our
control) opposed natal Sun (often representing
the man in a woman's life). These potent
planetary contacts offer the potential for
enormous metamorphosis—too often propelled
by loss. During the same period, your progressed
Sun conjoins natal Pluto as it squares natal
Venus and progressed Mercury conjoins natal
Saturn—amplifying your experience of the
transits. In terms of spiritual growth, all
of these planetary contacts offer the possibility
of self-development beyond whatever we believe
is possible.
As you move through deep sadness, toward
a time of healing, these same transits offer
the possibility of first noticing and then
naming how your values have shifted (Neptune
square Venus) and you'll observe that
new interests and goals begin to reveal themselves,
albeit slowly (Pluto opposition Sun), as
outmoded constructs of what your life could
have been are left behind (transiting Uranus
opposition natal Saturn)—replaced with
a vision of a new future imbued with at least
a glimmer of hope (transiting Neptune trine
natal Moon). I encourage you to nurture this
glimmer in every way possible.1
Early this year you entered the final eighth
of the 30 year Progressed
Lunation Cycle (Balsamic phase). This marks
the beginning of a 3.5 year period leading
up to the next progressed New Moon—the new beginning
you are, no doubt, longing for. Dane Rudhyar,
the innovative astrological thinker who first
identified this significant cycle, described
the Balsamic Phase as the most holy time
in the cycle—a time when the essence
of the meaning of the current cycle makes
itself known, becoming the seed for the next.
It's
a period when we're naturally introspective,
coming to terms with the past in order to
create a new future.
Thankfully, this does
not mean that you
are destined to experience life as it has
been for the past several years, for the
entire period leading up to your Progressed
New Moon.2 You may have already
felt a shift this past spring and summer,
as your progressed Moon conjoined natal Uranus
and then moved into your 4th house, bringing
a feeling of impatience, and a sense that
the time to make some changes has arrived,
even though your grief is still so profound.3
I wonder how the legacy of love that you
shared with your husband will evolve as you
move through the period of mourning into
the time of rebirth. How will you honor his
life and your love? How will you eventually
recreate your life, seeded with new meaning
as you leave this time of darkness? Ask yourself,
“Over time, what might renew me?”
Needless to say, the process of moving through
grief towards healing and recreating your
life, is both challenging and character building.
I understand that it is beyond your imagination
to think of a future without your Love, and
yet your courage to reach out with this question
shows that you are already on that path as
you come to terms with your loss. I encourage
you to reach out to others who care for you,
and participate in life as much as possible.
With the help of supportive Saturn transits
already currently in play, and others
which will develop next year, accompanied
by the diminishing of the powerful Neptune
and Pluto influences described above,
you will begin to rebuild your life —slowly,
and one step at a time. By next Spring,
as you reach a minor milestone in the 30
year Progressed Lunation Cycle (the waning
semi-sextile), you may experience the dawning
of what is possible for you—and that
dawn will shine more brightly with the
passing of time.4