When Life is perplexing... Ask Astro-Coach The Q&A column combining astrological insights & life coaching wisdon
When life is perplexing--Ask Astro-Coach, the Q&A column combining astrological insights & life coaching wisdom written by San Francisco Life Coach and Astrologer Nicki Michaels. Home | Ask Your Question | FAQ | Your Comments          Visit Nicki Michaels' Beyond Sun Signs

Search Ask Astro-Coach
powered by Google


New Questions
Life Transitions
Life Challenges
Planetary Dilemmas



To receive free email notification of each new Ask Astro-Coach Online Column, email Subscribe@AskAstroCoach.com
Your email address will not be shared.




The sole purpose of the Ask Astro-Coach column is to demonstrate how an astrological perspective supports better informed decisions by providing deeper understanding of real-life situations. It is not meant to replace your own good judgment, nor the services of licensed professionals, such as psychologists, attorneys, physicians, or financial advisors.






References and Notes


To easily view footnotes while reading the answer, hover your cursor over the footnote number in the text, and a pop-up box will appear.

1. For more on this topic, see Taming Your Gremlin: A Surprisingly Simple Method of Getting out of Your Own Way, by Rick Carson, Quill, 2003.

2. The first of the interlaced t-squares is: Mars-South Node conjunction, opposite Moon-North Node conjunction, all square to 12th-house Neptune. The second t-square is Saturn opposite Neptune, both square to the Moon-North Node conjunction. These t-squares would form a perfect grand cross configuration if the Mars and Saturn were within orb of a square. (I use 10° orbs for major aspects in natal charts.)

3. The personal planets are the faster-moving ones, including the Sun, the Moon, Mercury, Venus, and Mars; they operate differently from the outer planets (particularly Uranus, Neptune, and Pluto), which are called "transpersonal planets." When these outermost planets aspect personal planets in a birth chart, the person is challenged to increase their capacities beyond their normal comfort zone.

4. Using 2° orbs, transiting Pluto squares the Sun from January 9, 2003 to October 26, 2005; transiting Uranus opposes Mars from March 28, 2004 to January 24, 2006 and squares the Ascendant/Descendant axis from March 16, 2004 to January 10, 2006.

5. Using 2° orbs, transiting Uranus trines natal Venus from March 14, 2004 to January 7, 2005.

6. Learn more about the Progressed Lunation Cycle from The Lunation Cycle: A Key to Understanding of Personality by Dane Rudhyar, Aurora Press, 1967 and in the article, An Overview of Dane Rudhyar's Approach to Cycles (TMA, 2/98), by Nicki Michaels.

Consider how...
Nicki's astrological insights combined with life coaching wisdom might inform your important decisions. Explore the possibility of working with Nicki. Sorry, questions are no longer being accepted for the Ask Astro-Coach column.

Lonely Forever?
From The Mountain Astrologer, December-January 2005 (1)

Q.  I have struggled all my life to make and keep friends, and my love life has been even more of a non-starter. I feel shy and awkward, uncertain that other people want me around, but others seem to perceive me as dominating and demanding, too needy and too inflexible to make a desirable friend. This has caused almost continuous pain throughout my life and been the source of endless conflicts with others. Should I just "throw out" the first three decades of my life and become someone completely different? I feel like the only way I can change my ways of dealing with people and learn to build better relationships is to alter my life, my personality, and my interests so radically that I'd need to throw the baby out with the bath water. Part of me is hesitant to do this, but part of me is in such pain that I don't care. Where do I start?
Lonely Forever?

A.   You've already started, beginning with your acknowledgment of your pain and your responsibility for problematic relationships. The short answer to your question is yes: Throw out whatever hasn't worked, and use current planetary opportunities to totally reinvent yourself by overcoming the tendency to maintain your status quo.1

The two interlaced t-squares2 in your natal chart, along with other planetary placements, reveal something about the origin of your dilemma. The intense struggle you experience can be excruciating: a yearning for deep connection (Moon-North Node square Neptune) versus a tendency to be unreasonably critical and willful (Mars-South Node square Neptune), along with the inner turmoil this conflict produces (Moon opposite Mars with nodes). The deep-seated insecurity suggested by the Neptune-Saturn opposition squared to the Moon-North Node can amplify otherwise insignificant interactions into major crises. Coupled with the (sometimes hypercritical) 10th-house Virgo planets, including personal planets the Sun (the heart of who you are) and Mercury (how you interpret the world and express ideas) along with the autocratic outermost planet Pluto,3 your habitual tendencies seem impossible to change.

Muddled Guy's Birth Chart
Natal Chart - Lonely Forever?
Source: Birth Certificate

However, you can change. Natal Saturn (patience) trines those same 10th-house Virgo planets, allowing you to learn from past mistakes, and natal Moon (deepest feelings) trines Venus-Jupiter (social coherence) in the 11th house (friendship, hopes, and dreams), offering the promise of successful, lasting, deep connection with others.

The current transits of Pluto square the Sun along with transiting Uranus opposing Mars and squaring the Ascendant/Descendant axis4 manifest as the almost unbearable pain and hopelessness you describe, while simultaneously providing the driving impetus and determination to overcome this lifelong pattern of alienation. The progressed Moon crossing your Descendant (November 24, 2004) again emphasizes your relationship dilemma and your desire for change.

The cosmic message? Do whatever it takes to get the life you yearn for, and get some professional support. Given this unique opportunity for deep inner work, you can accomplish much more in record time; find an experienced therapist and dive in! Use transiting Uranus (new possibilities) trine to natal Venus (values and relationship connections) to re-establish communication with old friends and to make amends as appropriate.5 Identify your emerging values around relating — first for yourself and then for those you wish to bring back into your life. In February 2005, you enter the Disseminating phase of the Progressed Lunation Cycle,6 an appropriate time to revamp your relationship with the world as you consider this: "What is interdependence?"

« Previous Question        Back To Top         Next Question »


Home | Ask A Question | FAQ | Your Comments | BeyondSunSigns.com

© 2003 - 2009 by Nicki Michaels
All Rights Reserved